Yesterday morning I passed my driving test!
A life changing moment in the life of me. I can’t begin to tell you how momentous this was. It’s something I’ve dreamt of for a very long time. I failed my test a good few years ago and, because I hate to fail, I’ve buried my head in the sand ever since. Other factors in my life have held me back. Failing relationships, not earning much and so, logic convincing me that driving lessons would be a frivolous expenditure. Various situations and circumstances all lowering my self esteem and self worth, and stopping me from being determined.
This has changed.
I’ve recently gone inward and started the journey of soul searching. Driving out the bad habits and the subconscious voice inside me that’s been holding me back and weighing me down, and I feel epic!
Because, as much as I can say it was for this reason or for that, ultimately it has only been myself that’s been holding me back.
So, I’ve now been fixing things in my life and this means, fixing me. The journey is still young, but with every small step forward I feel more motivated to succeed. I know now that each of us have an amazing power at our disposal. We were born with this power. We just forgot at a young age how to use it. Well, I’m learning fast.
I love challenges and adventure. I hate boredom and my life being too flat. I’ve now took hold of that and been setting challenges for myself. When out on my bike last Summer, I found myself cycling up steep hills. I love the feeling it gives me when I reach the top. That feeling of accomplishment gives me a real buzz. It makes me feel pretty proud of myself. Yes, it’s hard work but something inside me drives me on, an inner belief that I can do it, and that I should do it!
So, if I can get this feeling from physical accomplishments, it stands to reason that the same buzz will come when I succeed in other areas of my life. With every buzz and the feeling of succeeding I get, up goes the self confidence level and belief in myself.
It’s a strange thing I realised. I’ve been very guilty of talking myself down throughout my life. Allowing myself to be too easily convinced by negative people or any negative statement made to me, and it’s been too easy to believe that I’m not worthy, whatever the situation. Yet, I’ve also realised that buried deep down inside me there’s another voice. A strength. A quiet little whisper telling me, convincing me that I can do it. I can do absolutely anything. That I’m very strong. That I have an amazing power I’m not using. This little voice has been so quiet, and drowned out by the overpowering negative voice that most of the time, I either couldn’t hear it, or I allowed it to be bullied by the negativity in me. The good news to me is though, I hear it now. The inner work I’ve been doing has already started to have an effect because now this voice is much clearer, louder and more dominant inside me. The negative voice is shrinking back, becoming a whisper which I can easily shush when it pops up. Even now when I see or think of something I want, I feel the familiar nervous feeling in my stomach instantly, and that voice inside me telling me I can’t have it. But now, straight away I’m aware of it and I tell it to shut up! I instantly tell myself, yes I can have it. I can have anything and do anything I damn well want, because I am an amazing, abundant and powerful person.
I’m changing my subconscious programme, and it feels great to be able to do it!
This is what encouraged me to start driving lessons again, and I can’t tell you how proud of myself I’m feeling in this moment.
Not only did I take the lessons. I listened to every word the instructor told me. I watched YouTube videos on Parallel parking, because this is what I’d failed on previously. My back wheel had touched the pavement and at that time it was an instant fail. I was determined to pass this time, yet there was that negative voice trying to pull me down, whispering that I might fail, that I’m a loser.
Well, I sure showed myself how to give that voice two fingers!
I love to travel.
It’s one of my big passions in life, so with a drivers license, I now have an added sense of freedom. When I have my own car, I can go where I please, when I please and I won’t have to rely on anyone to take me, or to work out bus or train schedules.
Not a big deal you may be thinking, but if you’ve already had your driver’s license for many years, it may be something that you now take for granted. I appreciate this moment more than you could ever imagine. I love driving. I really do. When I’m sitting behind the wheel of a car with the road in front of me I feel alive. I’m really living.
Anyway, I’m now well on my way to moving to Tenerife. Another huge step in my journey accomplished.
I now have to start clearing this house and reserving my flight.
I’m planning to go at the end of September, as this will give me time to clear the house. So much stuff! Material objects that I really don’t need. Many things in this house have emotional attachment, but ultimately they’re only things, and I need to keep that firmly planted in my mind. Still, I know that it’s not going to be easy parting with some of them.
I have a pair of Adidas track suit trousers that belonged to my youngest son when he was around 6 or 7 years old. Why I’ve kept them? I really have no idea. Another son’s first shoes, scuffed and worn. Their school reports, paraphernalia from my many trips abroad. Sea shells picked from the beaches in New Zealand, a wall plaque bought in the Atlas mountains in North Africa. Everything needs to go. How this is going to happen, I still have no idea. I have no transport.
I know the Universe will provide. I have complete faith.